Response to Dorit - Week 4

Dorit,I think coed rooming is an option that should be offered. As you said, you certainly would not be forced to do it however I think it offers both genders the opportunity to know more about one another and most certainly it does not have to be a sexual relationship. I am the mother of a boy and a girl. I have to say I can understand why parents would be open to the boy rooming with a girl rather than a boy. I would hope if the day comes when my daughter came to me wanting to room with a male at school that I would have trust in her to be doing it for very good reasons. I believe it would actually be a very good experience allowing for a broader education to include understanding gender differences. My husband on the other hand would not be so open minded.

Wee 4 - Class Business

When I was reading through chapter 12, Gender Power and Violence in Gendered Lives, it made me think of a situation that one of my friends shared with me. My friend worked with a woman who went into work often with bruises on her face and wearing sunglasses to cover them up. She also saw that she had bruises on her legs and at times would limp in pain. The “battered woman” would always say she was clumsy and bumped things or had fallen off of her bike, etc. My friend tried to talk to the “battered woman” to offer help or support as she suspected she was a victim of abuse.
She offered a place to stay at her home, brought in brochures about victim shelters and even offered just a listening ear. The “battered woman” denied everything, said that she and her husband had a loving relationship and got really mad at the co-worker for insinuating that her husband could have been doing such things. The battered woman would not speak to my friend for weeks.

One day the “battered woman” called in sick that lasted three days. On the fourth day not being able to go to work again, called my friend and confessed that she had been beaten badly and had a broken arm from when her husband had twisted it so hard.
That weekend, the “battered woman” left her husband and went to live with my friend until she could make other arrangements. My friend said that there were many times over the next months that the “battered woman” wanted to go back with her husband. She said she still loved him and missed him. Fortunately the “battered woman” got counseling very quickly and never did go back. Apparently she was being abused for over ten years and the last three of those years she had very serious injuries. No children were around, thank God!

What I think is great is that my friend, who only knew the “battered woman” for maybe three months, did not ignore the signs and jumped in to help. Today both of these women are the very best of friends and the “battered woman” is divorced and volunteers some of her time at the local Woman’s Space on Rt. 1 telling her story.

Week 3 - Response to Tiffany

I am in agreement to the rest of the responses that the book title is very negative and offensive toward women. I think women with weight issues, skinny or fat, don't need a book that is titled Skinny Bitches.There is too much emphasis in our society on body image. In Gendered Lives, p. 150, I found the statistics overwhelming for American girls who are unhappy with their bodies--age 13, 53% and age 17, 78% say this. They are big numbers!

Reply to Dorit - Week 3

I agree that there is still discrimination towards women in the workplace.
I work in a pharmaceutical company, not a scientist but in Human Resources. So I assist in the hiring of BS/MS/Ph.D. level scientists. I can honestly say that for the large companies having to answer to the EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission) and wanting to do the right thing, hiring decision are based on the best qualified, not gender. Also when it comes to equal pay for equal work, I can also say in the larger companies, I believe regardless of gender, people are paid equally.
What I will say is that there is a lack of women and minorities in leadership roles. As I look around in my company, there seem to be a very large number of senior leaders that are white men.
In smaller companies and in many companies I know that what I have stated about the company I work for is not true, unfortunately. It will take time to change the inequalities between men and women. One can only hope that changes toward equality of gender and of races will evolve.

Week 3 - Class Business

I am a working mother and my children since the ages of 1 through 5 spent at least 3 full days in pre-school and my parents watched them the other two days. I found out very early after having my first child that staying at home full time was not for me. I need and want my own career as my husband has, want to earn money to do things for and with my family, etc. I have a friend who is new mother and do to financial reasons needs to go back to work and is feeling guilty about her leaving her infant in daycare. I also have friends that decided to stay at home with their kids and in some cases the dads opt to stay at home. Everyone is different and regardless of the decision, I don’t think one should be judged. It's a very personal decision.

I started thinking about all of this again when reading Gendered Lives on page 275 where it discusses what the media does to influence mothers to stay home or not based upon survey results showing aggressive behavior of children who attend day care. I have read so many articles that say day care is bad for your children, causing aggression or other behavioral issues and I have also read many to say just the opposite saying the children are more prepared socially and academically. It is very confusing and stressful because you want to do the right thing as a mother but you also want to do what is right for you as an individual.

What I think is that if you decide to be a working mother that you should have just as many opportunities and be professionally fulfilled as men. It is unfortunate that this is always not the case and that women in some companies still continue to have less advancement and lower pay than men holding similar positions.

I think women can be successful to manage their career and family. It is tough but it can be done and having a good support system, family members, friends, partners, etc. is a great big help. I also think that men can do more by understanding this dilemma (the balance between motherhood and career) and support the women in their life to get the most from their lives too.

Response to Linda - Week #2

Linda, Yes the last line of your post was very interesting. My husband gets a littly antsy when he sees my 7 year old son playing with dolls or aks if his shirt matches his pants or tells us that his favorite color is teal. I think most father's would still love their sons but probably don't quite know how to accept it. Whereas mothers being the nurturers accept it more easily. I feel bad for John in that his father is not addressing the issue with his son and appears that there is conflict already even when not knowing if John is gay.
May 23, 2008 7:10 PM

Reply to Ashleigh through Terry

I purposely left out the dance option because I just assumed she would not be interested. My son does karate so I thought that if she selected it, I would take them both at the same time for convenience sake! I cannot tell you how much the comments that those parents made about boys in tights bothered me. We as a society do need to be more accepting and tolerant of people whether it be gender differences, race, relgion, diabilites, hair color, weight, etc.
May 23, 2008 5:27 PM