Response to Dorit - Week #6

I also think the brain scan results are significant. I have talked with several gay men and women who said they all knew from very early ages that they were gay. In all of their families, their parents and what they had been taught was that heterosexual life was the norm.I think genetics do play a part in the determinations. Very interesting article!
June 20, 2008 11:29 AM

Week 6 - Response to Glen

Glen, This post made me really reflect on many levels how I feel about public displays of affection. In "my younger days" I would say that who cares. Everyone should be able to do whatever they want whenever they want with whom they want. If you feel offended, look the other way. Now that I am "more mature", I do think that kissing and hugging in public is perfectly fine, however, in my opinion,it goes too far when the tongue kissing starts for long periods of time, rubbing and so on, I feel it's inappropriate. (Yikes, I sound like my mother!!)When it comes to my kids seeing such displays, and so far they really have not seen anything more than same sex couples holding hands, I would have to have a conversation with the as with any event or situation they don't understand.As far as the lesbian couple getting kicked out of a public event, I think that is going a bit far. But again if it were me, I would realize where I was and wouldn't be kissing like that at a crowded event.
June 20, 2008 7:41 AM

Class Business #6

It’s funny that I noticed so many more gender issues right under my nose while taking this class than ever before.
I was at a high school graduation party for my friend’s daughter this weekend. Sitting back I took notice of “gender socialization”. I definitely saw what I think is a traditional landscape of social interactions between the genders.
There were several small men groups talking about sports, jobs, cars, etc. and then small groups of women talking a lot about their kids, schools and schedules, vacation plans, etc. There was a group of women who were in the kitchen putting out the food and then after everyone ate they were on clean up and dish duty—not one guy. Several of the guys made sure that the beer coolers and ice were well stocked and went off to play horseshoes—not one girl.
There were a lot of younger kids at the party as well. When my son, seven years old, and some of his friends were tossing a football or kicking around a soccer ball, I looked over to see all of the little boys—not one girl. The little girls were kind of hanging around talking and a couple of girls were playing a board game and one boy.
Now the teenage boys were not separated from the teenage girls, it was a pool party so many of the young girls had on bikinis. They were socially well mixed. When they played volleyball, both the boys and the girls hung out together.
For me, it was weird to notice but as I think back at previous get togethers that I have been to from when I was young until now, it’s very much consistent with what seems to usually happen. Is this usual at the informal functions that you attend?

Response to Glenn - Week 5

I liked your post, Glenn. I know that this gender genocide also happens in India. Here is a link that I thought was interesting reading on this topic: http://www.gendercide.org/case_infanticide.htmlI can also recall seeing, I think it was in Time Magazine that in China, many parents did not have the emotional strength to kill their daughters so they would take their babys to a well travelled road and drop them off, alive, in hopes that they would be picked up. I still have the visual in my mind. From what I remember, the babies would be collected and put up for adoption.It's hard to believe in 2008 that this stuff still happens.

Response to Professor M

I have gay friends that adopted a child over seven years ago. They worked with an agency geared toward gay couples but intially were turned down by numerous agencies. Both guys are very successful, young, healthy and loving and the relationship with their adopted son is awesome. They are excellent parents. To think that just because they are both men that their son may not have been a part of their lives. It's crazy. I also think that because the agency they used specialized with assisting gays to adopt, they spent A LOT of money to adopt their son. There are so many kids that need loving, supportive families, I don't know why the adoption process is so costly and cumbersome.

Week 5 - Class Business

I was just invited to a “civil union” ceremony of two friends of mine, Stuart and Robert who own a home together and live in Lambertville, NJ. I have known them for years, they have been in a committed relationship for over 15 years and they adopted a son over six years ago—they are a great family.

When I told my husband that we were invited to their wedding, he said it’s not a “wedding” because it is not legal in NJ for same sex marriages. I was a bit confused not knowing so I looked it up.

Same sex marriage means legal marriage between people of the same sex. Only Massachusetts and California have legalized same sex marriage.

Civil unions were created to extend rights to same sex couples that are only recognized in the state where the couple resides. Vermont, Connecticut, New Jersey and New Hampshire are the states where you can have a civil union. Oregon and New York will this year.

The difference between the two, same sex marriage and civil unions is that only marriage offers federal benefits and protections such as social security benefits, veterans’ benefits, health insurance, pensions, hospital visitation, estates taxes and the like.

There are 32 states that have barred federal benefits for same sex partners.

Can you imagine if your partner could not receive your social security or pension benefits? Could you imagine that your partner could not visit or make life/health decisions for you while in an emergency situation at a hospital?

I guess where I am going with all of this, to me, it seems so unfair that just because the person you commit to, to spend your life with, through good times and bad and in this case, have a child with, is of the same sex, that they are not eligible by law, to receive the same benefits as cross sex marriages. Something just doesn’t seem right.

Response to Ashleigh - Week 4

Ashleigh, I think one's surroundings as well as one's socio economic status plays a big part in what you descibe at the school where you work. It sounds like "when in Rome do what the Romans do". Kids always want to fit in especially in the tough and neighborhoods in fear of violence. If they go along with the crowd, they won't be picked on or be the brunt of the fights. If this was a school in a more affluent neighborhood, and all the girls had designer handbags and shoes, I can bet you that a lot of the girls would have the designer wear so they fit in as well. It is unfortunate but a reality that when we deviate from the norm, in this case tough girls in baggy clothes, that the others are bullied or harassed because they are different.

Response to Dorit - Week 4

Dorit,I think coed rooming is an option that should be offered. As you said, you certainly would not be forced to do it however I think it offers both genders the opportunity to know more about one another and most certainly it does not have to be a sexual relationship. I am the mother of a boy and a girl. I have to say I can understand why parents would be open to the boy rooming with a girl rather than a boy. I would hope if the day comes when my daughter came to me wanting to room with a male at school that I would have trust in her to be doing it for very good reasons. I believe it would actually be a very good experience allowing for a broader education to include understanding gender differences. My husband on the other hand would not be so open minded.

Wee 4 - Class Business

When I was reading through chapter 12, Gender Power and Violence in Gendered Lives, it made me think of a situation that one of my friends shared with me. My friend worked with a woman who went into work often with bruises on her face and wearing sunglasses to cover them up. She also saw that she had bruises on her legs and at times would limp in pain. The “battered woman” would always say she was clumsy and bumped things or had fallen off of her bike, etc. My friend tried to talk to the “battered woman” to offer help or support as she suspected she was a victim of abuse.
She offered a place to stay at her home, brought in brochures about victim shelters and even offered just a listening ear. The “battered woman” denied everything, said that she and her husband had a loving relationship and got really mad at the co-worker for insinuating that her husband could have been doing such things. The battered woman would not speak to my friend for weeks.

One day the “battered woman” called in sick that lasted three days. On the fourth day not being able to go to work again, called my friend and confessed that she had been beaten badly and had a broken arm from when her husband had twisted it so hard.
That weekend, the “battered woman” left her husband and went to live with my friend until she could make other arrangements. My friend said that there were many times over the next months that the “battered woman” wanted to go back with her husband. She said she still loved him and missed him. Fortunately the “battered woman” got counseling very quickly and never did go back. Apparently she was being abused for over ten years and the last three of those years she had very serious injuries. No children were around, thank God!

What I think is great is that my friend, who only knew the “battered woman” for maybe three months, did not ignore the signs and jumped in to help. Today both of these women are the very best of friends and the “battered woman” is divorced and volunteers some of her time at the local Woman’s Space on Rt. 1 telling her story.

Week 3 - Response to Tiffany

I am in agreement to the rest of the responses that the book title is very negative and offensive toward women. I think women with weight issues, skinny or fat, don't need a book that is titled Skinny Bitches.There is too much emphasis in our society on body image. In Gendered Lives, p. 150, I found the statistics overwhelming for American girls who are unhappy with their bodies--age 13, 53% and age 17, 78% say this. They are big numbers!

Reply to Dorit - Week 3

I agree that there is still discrimination towards women in the workplace.
I work in a pharmaceutical company, not a scientist but in Human Resources. So I assist in the hiring of BS/MS/Ph.D. level scientists. I can honestly say that for the large companies having to answer to the EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission) and wanting to do the right thing, hiring decision are based on the best qualified, not gender. Also when it comes to equal pay for equal work, I can also say in the larger companies, I believe regardless of gender, people are paid equally.
What I will say is that there is a lack of women and minorities in leadership roles. As I look around in my company, there seem to be a very large number of senior leaders that are white men.
In smaller companies and in many companies I know that what I have stated about the company I work for is not true, unfortunately. It will take time to change the inequalities between men and women. One can only hope that changes toward equality of gender and of races will evolve.

Week 3 - Class Business

I am a working mother and my children since the ages of 1 through 5 spent at least 3 full days in pre-school and my parents watched them the other two days. I found out very early after having my first child that staying at home full time was not for me. I need and want my own career as my husband has, want to earn money to do things for and with my family, etc. I have a friend who is new mother and do to financial reasons needs to go back to work and is feeling guilty about her leaving her infant in daycare. I also have friends that decided to stay at home with their kids and in some cases the dads opt to stay at home. Everyone is different and regardless of the decision, I don’t think one should be judged. It's a very personal decision.

I started thinking about all of this again when reading Gendered Lives on page 275 where it discusses what the media does to influence mothers to stay home or not based upon survey results showing aggressive behavior of children who attend day care. I have read so many articles that say day care is bad for your children, causing aggression or other behavioral issues and I have also read many to say just the opposite saying the children are more prepared socially and academically. It is very confusing and stressful because you want to do the right thing as a mother but you also want to do what is right for you as an individual.

What I think is that if you decide to be a working mother that you should have just as many opportunities and be professionally fulfilled as men. It is unfortunate that this is always not the case and that women in some companies still continue to have less advancement and lower pay than men holding similar positions.

I think women can be successful to manage their career and family. It is tough but it can be done and having a good support system, family members, friends, partners, etc. is a great big help. I also think that men can do more by understanding this dilemma (the balance between motherhood and career) and support the women in their life to get the most from their lives too.

Response to Linda - Week #2

Linda, Yes the last line of your post was very interesting. My husband gets a littly antsy when he sees my 7 year old son playing with dolls or aks if his shirt matches his pants or tells us that his favorite color is teal. I think most father's would still love their sons but probably don't quite know how to accept it. Whereas mothers being the nurturers accept it more easily. I feel bad for John in that his father is not addressing the issue with his son and appears that there is conflict already even when not knowing if John is gay.
May 23, 2008 7:10 PM

Reply to Ashleigh through Terry

I purposely left out the dance option because I just assumed she would not be interested. My son does karate so I thought that if she selected it, I would take them both at the same time for convenience sake! I cannot tell you how much the comments that those parents made about boys in tights bothered me. We as a society do need to be more accepting and tolerant of people whether it be gender differences, race, relgion, diabilites, hair color, weight, etc.
May 23, 2008 5:27 PM

Reply to Ashleigh - Week 2

I have a four year old girl and a seven year old boy. If my daughter wants to wear boy type clothes, I wouldn't have a problem with that. However, I think if my son wanted to wear girl type clothes, I would. By the way he has never wanted to. He has at times played with dolls and he plays with the toy kitchen set (I always get funky plastic food items served to me and I pretend to eat it!)I think children need to explore and find out what is comfortable and normal for them--to find their own sense of self. I think it allows for greater confidence and openmindedness.
May 22, 2008 10:07 PM

Response to Linda - Week #1

Gender definitions are definately being created here. Part of the definition is that gender is learned and encouraged. Girls having to look cute and are nurturing and boys need to be strong and watch war movies and play sports are all assigned to the gender at a very early age and it is what society prescribes.
May 20, 2008 6:27 PM

Response to Tiffany Week #1

I think generational differences play a part with the stereotypes of tough or real men don't cry or wearing pink shirts or jewlery and so on. The men say of my dad's generation, had been told by their father's and peers that crying does not represent being a man.I find that the younger generations, as an example I have two nephews in their early twenty's who are not afraid to show their emotions and they were the styles that they feel comfortable with and one wears earrings.I too think if an individual is comfortable "in their own skin" they will express themselves however they want.
May 20, 2008 9:14 PM

Week 2 - Class Business

My daughter is four and I had given her the option of participating in an activity outside of her preschool. I suggested soccer, karate, art class, swimming and music. One activity I failed to mention was dance. My daughter has always been a bit of a tomboy. She plays rough with her brother and the neighborhood kids and really, up to this point, didn’t like to wear dresses and didn’t get involved in the “girls play” at her preschool.

She thought about the options that I had presented and came back and very enthusiastically said she wanted to be a ballerina and take dance lessons. She said she wanted to “look like a princess”.

When we got to her first dance class there were five other little girls and three boys. My daughter and some of the other little girls were stunned to see little boys in a dance class. I am sure their assumptions were that only little girls dance! I actually thought it was nice to have a mix so that the children at a young age could maybe break the stereotypical gender roles of only girls take dance class.

I have to admit I was a bit disappointed when I went to the parking lot and overheard a couple of the parents talking about how their sons would never think about dance and one of the moms said something like just wait until those boys go to school. Those “boys in tights” will be the joke of their class. I felt really bad about their sideline comments that some adults especially parents think along those lines. Can you imagine what values they are instilling in their children?

My daughter loves dance class and she has made friends will all of the kids and they have a blast!

Week 1 - Class Business

I am still having tech troubles and now have to use my brother's computer. Sorry for the delay.

I work in a Human Resources office in a pharmaceutical company. Part of my job is to recruit and interview scientists. In the sciences, there are a large number of Asians who I meet with regularly.
When I first started, not being of Asian desent, it was difficult because I was not aware of their culturally embedded differences. The men seemed to express themselves easily. They spoke of their accomplishments and answered the questions that would make me and the others come to the conclusion tht they were qualified for the position. However, the Asian females at times have difficulty expressing themselves with the same level of confidence, especially those over 40 years of age. Their generation and society tells them from a very young age that they should not be boastful, make direct eye contact and remain quiet and reserved. If you are brought up being taught from school and family these traits, it's hard to make that adjustment.
I have come to learn about the cultural and gender differences as have the managers that are hiring through some cross-cultural perspectives training and having discussion with those from other cultures.

First Blog

I am trying to get the hang of this. My first attempts obviously have not been working.