When I was reading through chapter 12, Gender Power and Violence in Gendered Lives, it made me think of a situation that one of my friends shared with me. My friend worked with a woman who went into work often with bruises on her face and wearing sunglasses to cover them up. She also saw that she had bruises on her legs and at times would limp in pain. The “battered woman” would always say she was clumsy and bumped things or had fallen off of her bike, etc. My friend tried to talk to the “battered woman” to offer help or support as she suspected she was a victim of abuse.
She offered a place to stay at her home, brought in brochures about victim shelters and even offered just a listening ear. The “battered woman” denied everything, said that she and her husband had a loving relationship and got really mad at the co-worker for insinuating that her husband could have been doing such things. The battered woman would not speak to my friend for weeks.
One day the “battered woman” called in sick that lasted three days. On the fourth day not being able to go to work again, called my friend and confessed that she had been beaten badly and had a broken arm from when her husband had twisted it so hard.
That weekend, the “battered woman” left her husband and went to live with my friend until she could make other arrangements. My friend said that there were many times over the next months that the “battered woman” wanted to go back with her husband. She said she still loved him and missed him. Fortunately the “battered woman” got counseling very quickly and never did go back. Apparently she was being abused for over ten years and the last three of those years she had very serious injuries. No children were around, thank God!
What I think is great is that my friend, who only knew the “battered woman” for maybe three months, did not ignore the signs and jumped in to help. Today both of these women are the very best of friends and the “battered woman” is divorced and volunteers some of her time at the local Woman’s Space on Rt. 1 telling her story.
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When I first read this I thought of my friend who works at a womens shelter and tells me the only stories of these women who have been battered and have no place to go and still want to go back. Even when they refuse to go back their husband come looking for them and threatening them. I always wondered for starters what makes a man do that...actually a punk do that because he's not a man. Second my heart goes out to those women cause you can sit there and say its easy to walk away but sometimes its not even close to easy. There are so many factors that come into play like money, education, and etc. I am just glad that this battered woman was able to find the strength to leave and not look back. When you think about it this ties in to our gender expectations. We expect a man to be respectful, caring, and loving. We expect a woman to be loving, nurturing, and faithful. My question is where does it turn south? Is it society that says stop being that type of person and become reckless? Or is it the way the person was brought up? Perhaps some men and women grow up with no expectations from their parents. They are forced to become who they want to be with no expectations, no values and morals. Just be who ever you want to be or whatever you see on TV thats who you become. In the end sometimes we become and do what we see on TV and what we hear through music.
I felt for this woman. I also know of someone who was battered and does not want to leave her husband. When the husband is on medication he is fine but when he feels better he does not take the medication and starts the cycle. THis woman had to deal with the embarrassment of a jealous rage involving an innocent co-worker. But when the husband got under control with medication the wife went back. I think its difficult for the woman to leave. A lot has to do with self esteem. "Domestic violence is a problem that cuts across all economic lines and knows no boundary of race, religion, occupation, or age.http://www.pinn.net/~sunshine/book-sum/battered.html
My mother's neighbor actually had the opposite story. The wife was the abuser. She abused the husband both physically and emotionally. It was a disturbing situation to witness screaming from across the street. Sometimes, watching her hands on him or seeing the police pull up. She had serious anger issues. She yelled at neigbors, her child and her husband. But, he was abused weekly basis. It is extremely difficult for women because they are often much more dependent on men for their phyical well being such as shelter and food, etc., But, it happens to men too. Why don't they leave? How would the author of our text explain this reversal in abuse and why men stay?
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