I am a working mother and my children since the ages of 1 through 5 spent at least 3 full days in pre-school and my parents watched them the other two days. I found out very early after having my first child that staying at home full time was not for me. I need and want my own career as my husband has, want to earn money to do things for and with my family, etc. I have a friend who is new mother and do to financial reasons needs to go back to work and is feeling guilty about her leaving her infant in daycare. I also have friends that decided to stay at home with their kids and in some cases the dads opt to stay at home. Everyone is different and regardless of the decision, I don’t think one should be judged. It's a very personal decision.
I started thinking about all of this again when reading Gendered Lives on page 275 where it discusses what the media does to influence mothers to stay home or not based upon survey results showing aggressive behavior of children who attend day care. I have read so many articles that say day care is bad for your children, causing aggression or other behavioral issues and I have also read many to say just the opposite saying the children are more prepared socially and academically. It is very confusing and stressful because you want to do the right thing as a mother but you also want to do what is right for you as an individual.
What I think is that if you decide to be a working mother that you should have just as many opportunities and be professionally fulfilled as men. It is unfortunate that this is always not the case and that women in some companies still continue to have less advancement and lower pay than men holding similar positions.
I think women can be successful to manage their career and family. It is tough but it can be done and having a good support system, family members, friends, partners, etc. is a great big help. I also think that men can do more by understanding this dilemma (the balance between motherhood and career) and support the women in their life to get the most from their lives too.
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I completely agree with you that motherhood, staying home with the kids and personal goals vary. To believe that all women are alike once the have a child is ridiculous. I have two toddlers and did stay home with both boys, not because of what society believed was healthy for my children (a stay at home mom) but because my oldest looked at me one day and asked why I could not stay home with him and and his brother because they never saw me (I commuted 3hrs each day). that was my personal decision to put my career on hold. But like many women that are use to fast paced careers I needed to go back to work so I found something local and with less responsibility. However I know many women who only weeks after having a child are back to work full swing. Unfortunately some are them are motivated as a defense against any comments that her work habits/dedication/and performance would suffer because of motherhood. I do know women that have returned to work because although they have the joy of motherhood they did not feel a sense of personal accomplishments as they did when they were working so they balance juggling work and family. And thankfully so many dads have stepped up to the plate and are more involved in the family and household responsibilities, and not just because their wife asked them, but because they want to.
I agree that ther is still discrimation towards women in the workplace.
I work in a pharmaceutical company, not a scietist but in Human Resources. So I assist in the hiring of BS/MS/Ph.D. level scientists. I can honestly say that for the large companies having to answer to the EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commisstion)and wanting to do the right thing, hiring decision are based on the best qualified, not gender. Also when it comes to equal pay for equal work, I can also say in the larger companies, I believe regardless of gender, people are payed equally.
What I will say is that there is a lack of women and minorities in leadership roles. As I look around in my company, there seem to be a very large number of senior leaders that are white men.
In smaller companies and in many companies I know that what I have stated about the company I work for is not true, unfortunately. It will take time to change the inequalities between men and women. One can only hope that changes toward equality of gender and of races will evolve.
I think that the ideal situation is for one of the parents to be home, not necessarity the father. And, if we valued as a society more the important job of raising kids, maybe, each home could financially afford to have one parent stay home. Why shouldn't you be able to take off a deduction for stay at home parent on taxes? You can deduct child care from a nursery school or daycare center. We are hopefully realizing from this course how much of our communication is learned, often times on an unconscious level. I know as a college instructor, that I love my job and have helped a lot of students in a lot of ways in their education and personal endeavors....yet, am torn every day as a mom to a two year old that I should be home with her. We really never hear this sentiment from men...so, on one level I am trying to act as an example for my daughter to have an education and find a career and yet, I am still living with my learned stereotypes that children need mom around the clock at home.
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