Response to Dorit - Week #6

I also think the brain scan results are significant. I have talked with several gay men and women who said they all knew from very early ages that they were gay. In all of their families, their parents and what they had been taught was that heterosexual life was the norm.I think genetics do play a part in the determinations. Very interesting article!
June 20, 2008 11:29 AM

Week 6 - Response to Glen

Glen, This post made me really reflect on many levels how I feel about public displays of affection. In "my younger days" I would say that who cares. Everyone should be able to do whatever they want whenever they want with whom they want. If you feel offended, look the other way. Now that I am "more mature", I do think that kissing and hugging in public is perfectly fine, however, in my opinion,it goes too far when the tongue kissing starts for long periods of time, rubbing and so on, I feel it's inappropriate. (Yikes, I sound like my mother!!)When it comes to my kids seeing such displays, and so far they really have not seen anything more than same sex couples holding hands, I would have to have a conversation with the as with any event or situation they don't understand.As far as the lesbian couple getting kicked out of a public event, I think that is going a bit far. But again if it were me, I would realize where I was and wouldn't be kissing like that at a crowded event.
June 20, 2008 7:41 AM

Class Business #6

It’s funny that I noticed so many more gender issues right under my nose while taking this class than ever before.
I was at a high school graduation party for my friend’s daughter this weekend. Sitting back I took notice of “gender socialization”. I definitely saw what I think is a traditional landscape of social interactions between the genders.
There were several small men groups talking about sports, jobs, cars, etc. and then small groups of women talking a lot about their kids, schools and schedules, vacation plans, etc. There was a group of women who were in the kitchen putting out the food and then after everyone ate they were on clean up and dish duty—not one guy. Several of the guys made sure that the beer coolers and ice were well stocked and went off to play horseshoes—not one girl.
There were a lot of younger kids at the party as well. When my son, seven years old, and some of his friends were tossing a football or kicking around a soccer ball, I looked over to see all of the little boys—not one girl. The little girls were kind of hanging around talking and a couple of girls were playing a board game and one boy.
Now the teenage boys were not separated from the teenage girls, it was a pool party so many of the young girls had on bikinis. They were socially well mixed. When they played volleyball, both the boys and the girls hung out together.
For me, it was weird to notice but as I think back at previous get togethers that I have been to from when I was young until now, it’s very much consistent with what seems to usually happen. Is this usual at the informal functions that you attend?

Response to Glenn - Week 5

I liked your post, Glenn. I know that this gender genocide also happens in India. Here is a link that I thought was interesting reading on this topic: http://www.gendercide.org/case_infanticide.htmlI can also recall seeing, I think it was in Time Magazine that in China, many parents did not have the emotional strength to kill their daughters so they would take their babys to a well travelled road and drop them off, alive, in hopes that they would be picked up. I still have the visual in my mind. From what I remember, the babies would be collected and put up for adoption.It's hard to believe in 2008 that this stuff still happens.

Response to Professor M

I have gay friends that adopted a child over seven years ago. They worked with an agency geared toward gay couples but intially were turned down by numerous agencies. Both guys are very successful, young, healthy and loving and the relationship with their adopted son is awesome. They are excellent parents. To think that just because they are both men that their son may not have been a part of their lives. It's crazy. I also think that because the agency they used specialized with assisting gays to adopt, they spent A LOT of money to adopt their son. There are so many kids that need loving, supportive families, I don't know why the adoption process is so costly and cumbersome.

Week 5 - Class Business

I was just invited to a “civil union” ceremony of two friends of mine, Stuart and Robert who own a home together and live in Lambertville, NJ. I have known them for years, they have been in a committed relationship for over 15 years and they adopted a son over six years ago—they are a great family.

When I told my husband that we were invited to their wedding, he said it’s not a “wedding” because it is not legal in NJ for same sex marriages. I was a bit confused not knowing so I looked it up.

Same sex marriage means legal marriage between people of the same sex. Only Massachusetts and California have legalized same sex marriage.

Civil unions were created to extend rights to same sex couples that are only recognized in the state where the couple resides. Vermont, Connecticut, New Jersey and New Hampshire are the states where you can have a civil union. Oregon and New York will this year.

The difference between the two, same sex marriage and civil unions is that only marriage offers federal benefits and protections such as social security benefits, veterans’ benefits, health insurance, pensions, hospital visitation, estates taxes and the like.

There are 32 states that have barred federal benefits for same sex partners.

Can you imagine if your partner could not receive your social security or pension benefits? Could you imagine that your partner could not visit or make life/health decisions for you while in an emergency situation at a hospital?

I guess where I am going with all of this, to me, it seems so unfair that just because the person you commit to, to spend your life with, through good times and bad and in this case, have a child with, is of the same sex, that they are not eligible by law, to receive the same benefits as cross sex marriages. Something just doesn’t seem right.

Response to Ashleigh - Week 4

Ashleigh, I think one's surroundings as well as one's socio economic status plays a big part in what you descibe at the school where you work. It sounds like "when in Rome do what the Romans do". Kids always want to fit in especially in the tough and neighborhoods in fear of violence. If they go along with the crowd, they won't be picked on or be the brunt of the fights. If this was a school in a more affluent neighborhood, and all the girls had designer handbags and shoes, I can bet you that a lot of the girls would have the designer wear so they fit in as well. It is unfortunate but a reality that when we deviate from the norm, in this case tough girls in baggy clothes, that the others are bullied or harassed because they are different.

Response to Dorit - Week 4

Dorit,I think coed rooming is an option that should be offered. As you said, you certainly would not be forced to do it however I think it offers both genders the opportunity to know more about one another and most certainly it does not have to be a sexual relationship. I am the mother of a boy and a girl. I have to say I can understand why parents would be open to the boy rooming with a girl rather than a boy. I would hope if the day comes when my daughter came to me wanting to room with a male at school that I would have trust in her to be doing it for very good reasons. I believe it would actually be a very good experience allowing for a broader education to include understanding gender differences. My husband on the other hand would not be so open minded.

Wee 4 - Class Business

When I was reading through chapter 12, Gender Power and Violence in Gendered Lives, it made me think of a situation that one of my friends shared with me. My friend worked with a woman who went into work often with bruises on her face and wearing sunglasses to cover them up. She also saw that she had bruises on her legs and at times would limp in pain. The “battered woman” would always say she was clumsy and bumped things or had fallen off of her bike, etc. My friend tried to talk to the “battered woman” to offer help or support as she suspected she was a victim of abuse.
She offered a place to stay at her home, brought in brochures about victim shelters and even offered just a listening ear. The “battered woman” denied everything, said that she and her husband had a loving relationship and got really mad at the co-worker for insinuating that her husband could have been doing such things. The battered woman would not speak to my friend for weeks.

One day the “battered woman” called in sick that lasted three days. On the fourth day not being able to go to work again, called my friend and confessed that she had been beaten badly and had a broken arm from when her husband had twisted it so hard.
That weekend, the “battered woman” left her husband and went to live with my friend until she could make other arrangements. My friend said that there were many times over the next months that the “battered woman” wanted to go back with her husband. She said she still loved him and missed him. Fortunately the “battered woman” got counseling very quickly and never did go back. Apparently she was being abused for over ten years and the last three of those years she had very serious injuries. No children were around, thank God!

What I think is great is that my friend, who only knew the “battered woman” for maybe three months, did not ignore the signs and jumped in to help. Today both of these women are the very best of friends and the “battered woman” is divorced and volunteers some of her time at the local Woman’s Space on Rt. 1 telling her story.