It’s funny that I noticed so many more gender issues right under my nose while taking this class than ever before.
I was at a high school graduation party for my friend’s daughter this weekend. Sitting back I took notice of “gender socialization”. I definitely saw what I think is a traditional landscape of social interactions between the genders.
There were several small men groups talking about sports, jobs, cars, etc. and then small groups of women talking a lot about their kids, schools and schedules, vacation plans, etc. There was a group of women who were in the kitchen putting out the food and then after everyone ate they were on clean up and dish duty—not one guy. Several of the guys made sure that the beer coolers and ice were well stocked and went off to play horseshoes—not one girl.
There were a lot of younger kids at the party as well. When my son, seven years old, and some of his friends were tossing a football or kicking around a soccer ball, I looked over to see all of the little boys—not one girl. The little girls were kind of hanging around talking and a couple of girls were playing a board game and one boy.
Now the teenage boys were not separated from the teenage girls, it was a pool party so many of the young girls had on bikinis. They were socially well mixed. When they played volleyball, both the boys and the girls hung out together.
For me, it was weird to notice but as I think back at previous get togethers that I have been to from when I was young until now, it’s very much consistent with what seems to usually happen. Is this usual at the informal functions that you attend?
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I have a second job that is part time and on weekends we do birthday parties. Whether I am leading the party or working as a host, I always see the men discussing business, sports, money, and the women are together discussing their kids, house, vacations, and etc. as you mentioned. If when it comes to the parent child classes we offer, the men really rather not be in the class and i see more of the moms in the classes with their babies.
When it comes to the younger crowd I see a mix. Boys do play with boys and girls play with girls but in the last three years that i have been around kids 24/7 i see the two mixing alot more. I see my kindergarden boys and girls playing and running together, I see my middle school students doing much of the same. When i was growing up I always hung out with the guys and it wasnt until I got older I started having more girl friends and thats when i realized this gender socialization is boring. Now I have a great mix of male and female friends and i actually hang out with my female friends more, even when i was younger i liked hanging out with the ladies..lol. Whether formal gatherings or social events, the younger kids are starting to interact more with each other but the old school parents are still living up to their roles of the men drink, talk, and play while the women talk, cook, and clean.
Terry,
I do think that this is a very common occurrence, especially in traditional American families. I do tend to notice that some ethnicities tend to have more 'mixing' in their get togethers, but in my experience many American families maintain this sort of gender conscious socialization pattern.
I'm not sure if this is necessarily a good or bad thing. I think that very often it is a good thing for people of the same gender to congregate together in order to share their thoughts and ideas, or just to have fun without worrying about the opposite gender. At the same time, I think that having both genders present is what makes a party whole, so that you have the positive aspects of both.
What I mean by that is.. In my family, women don't tend to play sports. So unless we have some male-female interaction at a party, its doubtful that a game of volleyball will come up in the backyard. However, since we do almost always have mixing, we end up doing a lot of fun and fullfilling things that we would probably not do if both genders weren't present.
At the same time, there is still some separation that occurs at my family functions. While men do help, its basically the women that take care of the cooking/setting up/cleaning. I really don't have a problem with this because it feels like more of a habit now that i'm older. I can't imagine a party without females in my household , because I don't know who would clean up the mess :p
Terry,
I think what you mentioned happens a lot, more than anyone may pick up. In high school though, gender segregation was seen all over. I feel that growing up, the only guy friends I had were the ones that lived down the street from me, or ones that needed an extra player for a game. I notice these things more often because I am more aware of gender stereotypes. I am actually surprised you observed teenagers hanging out together; probably because the girls were in bikinis!
Hi Terry,
I found your observation of guests quite interesting and will have to use it at the next gathering. It's amazing how much goes on in the world right under our noses, literally in our back yard. What's key however is what we actually do to unlearn the behavior. Often people don't care to upset the apple cart not realizing sometimes a little unsettling will redistribute the weight.
Nice!
Hooray! I am so glad to hear that you are seeing the world with a new pair of eyes...I love to hear stories when students are recoginizing stuff in a new way. I know that I have done my job leading your down the "gendered path". Keep walking.
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